Wow, it’s been a while!
I had no idea that time has flown so quickly. I was again reminded of why I’ve been “gone” for so long now, when I saw my most recent post.
Our baby went to be with Jesus, probably shortly after my OB check-up. I had such a good report then. But, Thursday, April 3rd, I began lightly spotting. Which turned into more spotting on Friday. And, by Saturday, the 5th, I knew it was over. I won’t go into the graphic details, but when I spoke to my doctor (before my trip to the ER, because of blood loss), he said my Hcg levels were already down to 4500. At that stage of a pregnancy (11 weeks), the levels should have been around 200,000.
God was with us through it all. He is ever SO faithful. He helped me to be able to “pass” everything in mostly the one day, with really not a whole lot of physical pain. And, my Hcg levels returned to normal by two weeks later. So, physically, my body worked as it should have.
Emotionally, I have certainly had my ups and downs. Phil and I have both done our share of shedding tears. Unexpected things will trigger my weeping, too. But, God. Yes, He has never left my side through it all.
We wanted this baby, just as much as we’ve wanted the others. We looked forward to growing our family again. We anticipated what God had planned for this child, and how much our lives would change and grow because of him/her. We DIDN’T anticipate our child being taken home before we could meet him/her! But, our children belong to Him. They always have, from the get-go. And, this baby was no different. He chose to “keep” this one, rather than allowing us to become his or her earthly parents.
So, we don’t ask, “Why?” Because, we don’t need to. We have complete faith and trust in the Lord, that He knows what He’s doing. We trust that He’ll bring continued healing to us. We know He’s taking good care of our baby - much better than we ever could’ve, and that we’re assured to meet Baby some day!